Posted by: smithy | September 19, 2008

Dick Cheney Shoots Another Camping Companion

When it was first reported that a Republican on a camping trip had shot and killed that well-known celebrity, Bullwinkle, the Talking Moose, the Left assumed that it was Sarah Palin out to make more Mooseburgers. In reality, it was Dick Cheney who, while showing off his new rifle, accidentally shot and killed his long-time friend Bullwinkle. The immediate reaction of the Left was a harsh and swift condemnation of Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin.

Then the Left launched a vendetta against Sarah Palin and her supporters. To say that there was a lynch mob mentality would be a gross understatement of the Left’s fury. Only round-the-clock Secret Service protection was keeping Sarah Palin safe from harm. Not only were they physically trying to attack Sarah, they made up all kinds of disgusting lies about Sarah and her family, while hackers feverishly tried to break into her email, bank accounts, credit cards and other personal records in an attempt to destroy her. No amount of evidence would convince the Left that Sarah was not responsible, and would never harm a talking, intelligent being like Bullwinkle (Sarah respects life to the point that she knowingly brought a Down Syndrome baby into this world). An example of the vile Leftist slander were the stories printed in the New York Times (see front page below). Although completely based on rumor, speculation and innuendo, these stories were accepted as fact by Leftists everywhere. Rumors began to circulate that not only does Sarah eat live Teddy Bears, but Bambi’s mom was next on Sarah’s hit list.

While the furor has yet to die down, leaders of the Democratic Party and their supporters have spoken out on the death of Bullwinkle.

House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi: I’m going to “save the planet” from oil drilling and rapacious Republican Moosekillers.

Senator Joe Biden: Bullwinkle was “clean and articulate.” A great Moose American who recently told me that “patriotism and religious experience was all about raising taxes on the rich” Human Americans. If only I had known that Bullwinkle was in danger, I’d have protected him with my expensive Beretta shotgun.

Senator Harry Reid: “The war in Iraq is lost, the surge won’t work” and rabid Republicans are trying to distract us with a genocidal war on our talking Mooses.

Senator Barack Obama: Bullwinkle died because “white folks greed runs a world in need.” The “hope” and “change” that an Obama administration would bring came too late for Bullwinkle. “We are the ones that” Bullwinkle was “waiting for,” but Bullwinkle was killed by the “bitter” fools who still “cling to guns and religion.”

Michelle Obama: This only proves “our souls are broken. We need to fix our souls. We can’t let people go back to their ordinary lives” after this tragedy.

PETA: “We call for a special prosecutor to investigate the immoral killing of an intelligent mammal who was our equal in every way. Bullwinkle should have had the same rights as all the humans who wear fur and antlers. Republican haters-of-life must be prosecuted, if not aborted in the womb, in order to save the diversity and health of our planet, Gaia.”

Al Gore: “The Republicans will try and tell you that the world is better off without Bullwinkle’s carbon footprint. I say that it’s people, not our good friends the Mooses, who are responsible for global warming on spaceship Earth. If only Bullwinkle would have contacted me through my invention, the Internet, I’d have been able to fly him away in my big private jet and given him sanctuary in my large mansion.”

John Edwards and Bill Clinton issued a joint statement: “We did not have sex with those women.”

Hillary Clinton: Bullwinkle might still be alive if I was POTUS and “we had comprehensive health care for every American.”

Oprah: “This is why I won’t let Sarah Palin on my show. I only interview and support for office enlightened Democratic politicians. Barack is the one!! Barack is the one!!…”

Editorials in The Daily Kos, Huffington Post, The New York Times and the rest of the MSM call for the “…immediate elimination of all WMD — weapons of Moose destruction — in the USA by whatever means necessary.” The fact that WMD still exist in the USA “…. is taken as the most significant failure yet, of the worst president in our history. What will the Europeans think of us now? All of our foreign and domestic policies must be based on only one fundamental principle: Appeasing the French so, from now on, they’ll only say nice things about us.”

The Religious world has also spoken out.

Reverend Wright: “Blacks don’t kill Whites or Mooses, Blacks only kill each other. Racist Republican hunters — supported by our criminal White government — are practicing on talking Mooses, getting ready for the day they’ll slaughter all African Americans with guns and AIDS. America’s racist chickens are coming home to roost. God damn America for killing Bullwinkle.”

Father Phleger: “White entitlement” is responsible for the death of Bullwinkle.

The Pope: “We must love and protect all of God’s creation.”

Hollywood will always produce a few good quotes.

Tom Cruise: “If Bullwinkle had become a Scientologist, he’d of had lots of women, and a much happier and more productive life, just like me.”

Katie Holmes (Cruise’s current wife): “If Bullwinkle had become a Scientologist, I might have married Bullwinkle instead of Tom. Tom is a stud, which I love, but he’s also a bigger Moose than Bullwinkle ever was.”

Lindsay Lohan then issued this statement: “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with a Moose like Bullwinkle.”

Britney Spears was heard to say: “Eeewww, even I’m not as sick as Lind…say.”

Madonna chimed in: “What’s the big deal about being in a relationship with a Moose? I’ve been in every possible kind of relationship.”

Paris Hilton: “I’m not interested in serious relationships anymore; I only want to look good, have fun, be a celebrity, and spend lots of money.”

A number of prominent foreigners and foreign organizations have also issued statements on the passing of Bullwinkle.

Iranian President Ahmadinejad: The death of Bullwinkle is the work of the “Zionist leadership of the Great Satan, the USA.”

President Ahmadinejad and Hamas agree: “The only final solution is to immediately kill all Jews everywhere, starting with the destruction of the Little Satan, Israel.”

The rest of the Arab world (including Bin Laden): “We’ll all keep quiet and let Iran nuke Israel in Bullwinkle’s name.”

Africa: “Imperialism, racism, and Islamophobia are the root causes of Bullwinkle’s demise. We must have more foreign aid and world-wide hate speech laws to prevent this from ever happening again.”

The EU and UN: “We condemn this indiscriminate slaughter, the killing of Bullwinkle, as the direct result of barbaric US cowboy policies. The US must change their foreign and domestic programs to conform with EU and UN standards.”

Russia: “Ha! Ha! You kill Bullwinkle and whole world condemns you. We kill countries of Georgia and Ukraine and whole world, especially Europe, kisses our buttski.”

Israel: “Before we all end up like Bullwinkle, sell us the weapons that we need now to bomb and destroy Iran’s nuclear program!”

China: “We’re too busy building our economy and buying up your country to pay any attention to Bullwinkle.”

Hugo Chavez: “Capitalism destroyed Bullwinkle. Only socialism will save you from that Devil Bush.”

Latin America: “We agree with Hugo Chavez. Adopt socialist policies so you’ll be as poor as us, but give us free trade so we can grow our economies.”

We’ll end with this simple, heartfelt statement from Rocky, the Flying Squirrel: “Bullwinkle was my best friend. Through many tough adventures we stuck together. I’ll miss him terribly.”

Vote Republican in 2008
Sarah Palin For President in 2012

Update: Today is Sunday, Oct. 5, 2008, and I originally published this article on September 19, 2008. On September 24, Florida Democratic Congressman Alcee Hastings said: “If Sarah Palin isn’t enough of a reason for you to get over whatever your problem is with Barack Obama, then you damn well had better pay attention. Anybody toting guns and stripping moose don’t care too much about what they do with Jews and blacks. So, you just think this through” [my emphasis]. After thinking this through, I’ve decided that what the Congressman is hinting at is Moosehunter = Genocide for Blacks and Jews. This is the demagogic logic of the Left and the Obama campaign, even though Sarah Palin showed she cared enough about human life to bring a Down syndrome baby into this world. Also, note the similarity of this comment to what I attributed to Reverend Wright in the article above. Life does imitate art!

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